My daughter has a blockage in terms of cleanliness - Nanny help

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15/06/2022
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Hello,

My daughter is three and a half and has a problem with potty training. She is very intellectually developed and expresses herself very well for her age. She dresses herself and is very independent. We've been trying to get her on the toilet for less than about a year. The problem is that she never managed to pee on the toilet until about a month and a half. We thought she would have liked the experience, but no. She still does not want to go and holds back for a very long time. Her educator offers her to accompany her on the potty every day, but she only went twice. She peed twice on the toilet in the same day! On weekends we put panties on her so she can feel her cravings, but if she manages to pee during her day, that's a great victory!

The problem is that she asks to put on a diaper soon after. Once her diaper is on she tells me when she has just peed in it. I'm starting to realize that she's relying on her diapers and I no longer have any hope that she'll ask to stop putting them on herself. His educator told me not to put any more on him and to tell him that it's over, that we've come to this. Yesterday I made an attempt. She wanted to go to the toilet a few times, but all she did was tell me that her pee wasn't dripping. After several hours (from 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.) watching her hold back and be in pain, I ended up putting a diaper on her. My spouse does not understand him and would like me to let her pee on her. But seeing her hold back, I don't know what to think. Even if we try to make the experience positive it seems that she takes no pride in it.

We don't know what to do anymore. She has two sizes of potty and a board to go on the big toilet: she prefers the big toilet. Motivation boards, rewards, panties with patterns she likes… nothing motivates her! My daughter is big for her age and we are discouraged from changing her huge poops every day. Moreover I have to fight with her to change them.

My daughter has a blockage at cleanliness - Nanny Help

I don't believe letting her go with her diapers will be the solution anymore, because I believe she's taken on the pattern of not putting in the effort and just doing it all in. I try not to take into account the pressure of the entourage, but it becomes extremely difficult. And we also can't take it anymore and don't know how to act.

Thank you in advance for your advice.

Hello,

Reading your message, I understand that this situation does not seem easy to live with on a daily basis and that it is causing concern. You also seem to feel some pressure from those around you.

To guide you in this stage, potty training is usually between the ages of 24 and 48 months. This sometimes coincides with the “terrible two”. It is important to consider the maturity and temperament aspects of the child, which are unique to each child. This will influence his disposition to acquire this new learning. Cleanliness for urine and stool is not necessarily simultaneous. This means that learning can take place over several months.

Here are some points for reflection to guide you in order to validate if your daughter is ready and how to support her in this transition:

At the level of positive reinforcement, you mentioned the use of several strategies. It would be interesting to identify those that have made it possible to obtain even a gain or a small success. You could target the one that sparked the most motivation in your daughter and focus on this form of appreciation, which would bring consistency. Often, we want to achieve conclusive results quickly and we then vary our methods, believing that they are not effective, whereas by maintaining them a little longer, they might bring better results.

In the same vein, I also suggest that you take your time by establishing a routine. Follow the steps and use the same strategy on a regular basis for a few weeks. This way you will be in a better position to validate the success or otherwise of the chosen reinforcement method.

It is important to keep in mind consistency and a "zen attitude", which allows you to accompany the child to its rhythm. For preschoolers aged 2 to 4, occasionally reading short stories or picture books on the human body is a good way to approach the theme without putting pressure. The child will eventually identify with the characters.

Finally, you can also allow yourself to take a break, that is to say to temporarily cease all intervention, to think about what will be best for you. to your daughter in her current journey. This will give you the opportunity to position yourself on the availability you have as parents (time and energy), in order to maintain the positive reinforcement over several weeks, on a daily basis. You have the right to allow yourself some letting go for a while. Taking a break may also have a beneficial effect on your daughter… and on your stress level! It is also important to consider the possibility of having to start over sometimes, during small relapses.

I invite you to consult the article by Manon Gauthier on encopresis which will guide you in your approach and to deepen your reflection if the difficulties persist: Encopresis: how to support your child?

Do not hesitate to consult, if necessary, a health professional or a psychologist, in case of doubt regarding the physical health or the overall development of your child.

I hope this has enlightened you.